Funny Poems
Women Are Wonderful!
Everyday I give thanks to the Goddess
I have two mounds upon my bodice
I shave my legs, I sit down to pee
I can justify any shopping spree
Not to a barber, but a beauty salon
Can get a massage without a hard on
Can balance the checkbook, pump my own gas
Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass
I always save money by using coupons
Can admit to others when I am wrong
Don't drive in circles at any cost
So I don't have to admit when I am lost
Don't act like I'm in a timed marathon
Everytime I go to the john
I spend two hours preparing for a date
Only to find you're two hours late
I don't watch movies with lots of gore
Don't need instant replay to remember the score
I won't lose my hair
I don't get jock itch
And just cause I'm assertive
Don't call me a bitch
I don't wear the same underwear everyday
The food in my fridge has no sign of decay
I don't go to Sears To look at the tools
I don't cheat at poker
I follow the rules
I don't smoke cigars
Don't pay for drinks at bars
I don't punch my friends just to say Hi
And it's o.k. for me to cry
I know all you men
Think that you're IT
But compared to a woman
You just ain't SHIT!
For Persians Only!
We all came from Iran, to land of uncle Sam.
We went from eating nimroo, to eating eggs & ham.
Oh my how times have now changed, from when we were just boys.
When life was safe & simple, no Barney among our toys.
Kaleh pAcheh for breakfast, was not a wired thing.
We idolized Dariush, & listened to Googoosh sing.
We all watched Samad's finger, go into someone's eyes.
We laughed at that all so hard, no lows & all was highs.
We went to the noonvAiee, picking up sangak.
Now it's going to Safeway, & picking from the rack.
We all did open our fists, & played lili lili hozak.
Now our kids play nintendo, with a little boy named Jack.
Grandma's house was so cute, & doors were open wide.
We crawled into her bAghcheh, & found a place to hide.
How she told us stories, of Rostam & ZahAk.
Now we tell our kids stories, about Bugs & Daffy duck.
Sport we loved was soccer, playing the round ball.
Not this funny looking oblong, thing they call football.
We used to enjoy Fardin, & Beyk Imanverdi.
Now it's going to cineplex, & eat salsa Verde.
We jumped into a taxi, to go from A to B.
The greatest ride in whole world, was drive to Caspian sea.
We drive on super highways, & watch for radar gun.
We forget we all used to, be all driving PeykAn.
Our vacations are spent, somewhere on a beach.
Far from Rasht & RAmsar, where we smell but can't reach.
Koloocheh eating in shomAl, we all can still taste.
How we hold onto memories, not let them go to waste.
How we used to be comfy, in that entourage.
Now we fake our way through life, & try to camoflaugh.
We left that country behind, & came to new world.
The tame lion king went down, tripping on his sword.
We watched Saddam attack our, country in a pop.
We hated them Iraqis, without bleeding a single drop.
We don't know how to let go, or hang on to our past.
We know something for sure though, nothing will ever last.
These people amongst we live, who show that they are kind.
What do they really think of us, in back of their mind?
No one but us knows somAgh, & how good is tahdig.
They see us eating burned rice, & think we've flipped our wig.
We chop up cucumbers, & put it in our mAst.
They look at us eating that, & think that we are lost.
These patriotic songs that, they always vent 'em.
Does anybody wonder, what's our national anthem?
Do we belong to here, or do we belong there?
Does anybody knows us, does anybody care?
They ask us about fanatics, they ask us how we feel.
We give 'em our stock answer, they sure can't help us heal.
We all are so much at odds, with where we're living now.
We all can be writing books, on adopting & how.
The Iranian gene that, we carry in our mind.
Has made us all to look for, our very own kind.
So much of what that makes us, it's made from the same mold.
The Iranian in us, that we treasure like gold.
I say "alef beh peh teh seh", & you know what I mean.
I ask for seven S'es, & you know I mean haft sin.
I say something is not shol, & you know it is seft.
You tell them something like that, & they look at you left left.
There must be hundred thousand, species on this Rock.
We must be 100th & one, that do on this Earth walk.
Solution to our problems, is one we can not solve.
In this melting pot someday, may all of us dissolve.
So hold on to the ShAhnAmeh, & hang on to KhayAm.
And do not let those memories, get buried under time.
We are all from one country, with borders like a cat.
Now that all of us are out, let's not just forget that.
And if anyone ever told you, that Irooni must die.
You sharpen your big finger, & stick it in their eye.
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